Vincent Valentine's Day
by MoMo-ChAn1
Summary: Another "Let's torture Vinnie" fic. If you haven't read Vincent's Halloween Party, I highly suggest that you do. It is a precedent for this fanfic. And for all of you that hate Valentine's Day, but love Vincent, check this out! MoMo, ()


A/N: Oh my gosh . . . I am so mean. I am mean, mean, mean! How can I do this? How can I do this to Vincent? What has he ever been except loyal to me? Loyal! I am so evil . . . I must go find Saitou and tell him I'm evil . . . Aku Soku Zan. **Leaves, then comes back** And I don't mean to insult Tifa; someone needed to take the fall for messing with the mansion and who else would live in Nibelheim and mess around with pink hearts?  
  
**Quote of the Day** "That's right! I'm a coward!" – Fei, Xenogears (DAMNIT! Why did Id have to go away?!)  
  
Disclaimer: Um yeah, I don't own Rurouni Kenshin (Saitou) or Xenogears and uh, whatever category this fanfic is in. Please don't kill me, I know it's Final Fantasy VII! **Cringes**  
  
Vincent Valentine's Day ~ another "Let's torture Vinnie!" fic by MoMo-ChAn  
  
~~~~~ Vincent's Sad Fate ~~~~~  
  
Vincent was in his coffin, repenting. He was still repenting for Halloween, so he had not come out for New Year's. The monsters in his dream were plaguing poor Vinnie's mind and were blaming him for all the bad things in the world.  
  
- It's your fault Lucrecia's dead. –  
  
- It's your fault that Sephiroth was evil. –  
  
- It's your fault that MoMo got hurt on her last visit! –  
  
All the monsters looked at the monster that had said the last monster statement. The monster shrugged.  
  
- I couldn't think of anything. –  
  
The monsters nodded, for this was a perfectly good reason, and then started to plague Vincent's mind again. It was, after all, their purpose in life. Vincent was happily plagued in his nightmares until he heard a familiar tapping sound and opened his eyes. Like a hammer on a nail. Vincent closed his eyes, then opened them wide in fear and burst out of his coffin the way a bullet shot out of his gun and killed off a monster!  
  
'A hammer and nail,' he thought worriedly, 'it can't be . . . They wouldn't . . . NOT AGAIN! Oh God, please don't let it be true . . .'  
  
Vincent practically flew up the newly repaired stairs (for more details, please see Vincent's Halloween Party) and up to the ground floor. His heart almost stopped beating (but remembered that Vincent was almost immortal and that a heart should beat unless ripped out of the chest or shot or clogged up with fat) at the sight that greeted him. His mansion . . . FIXED! AGAIN! By the people who were putting up the evil decorations: Cloud and Tifa! And the decorations were . . . they were . . . PINK.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Vincent howled. "WHY PINK?!"  
  
Cloud and Tifa turned around. Tifa looked to have been enjoying herself, but Cloud looked annoyed. Vincent hoped that it was the pink. Pink is evil.  
  
"Oh, Vincent," Tifa said, "I didn't know you were here."  
  
Vincent wanted to scream and hit/kill Tifa. God, the girl could fight, but she could be one HELL of a dumbass!  
  
"We're putting up Valentine's Day decorations," Cloud intoned, clearly disgusted by the pink. As he should; no man, woman, child, or animal should love/like pink.  
  
"No," Vincent said flatly. "Don't you remember what happened on Halloween?"  
  
Both Cloud and Tifa cringed. They remembered. God, what a fiasco! Chaos Vincent destroying all their hard work on the mansion. Not to mention scaring off those other people. That Seifer dude had seemed pretty interested in Materia . . .  
  
"That won't happen this time," Tifa chirped happily, pinning up a **shudder** huge pink heart. "There won't be any alcohol this time-"  
  
"YOU LET YUFFIE DRINK?!"  
  
"-and it's Valentine's Day, a time of love and peace," Tifa finished stoically ignoring Cloud's outburst of surprise.  
  
Vincent stared at her, his shock at her stupidity blasting away all emotion and eradicating his thought processes. And slowly, the do-gooder voice pushed him.  
  
~ Let her have the party. ~  
  
From experience, Vincent knew that the voice was desperately wrong. The do-gooder voice was always wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Do the right thing my ass. Then Chaos piped up, determined to have his say in the fun.  
  
[Kill them!] Chaos cried. [They can't trouble you when they're dead!]  
  
Then again, Chaos' advice was no better than the do-gooder's was. But both their voices jump-started him into responding.  
  
"Tell me," Vinnie said slowly and carefully, so Tifa could understand, "what is this place?"  
  
"Shin-Ra mansion," Cloud responded automatically.  
  
"That's right. Bad stuff happens here. I lay asleep here for decades. The place still has monsters lurking about. For God's sake, HOJO was here! Where's the love in this decrepit mansion?!" Vincent almost shouted. God, was Tifa dumb!  
  
Tifa frowned at him and put her hands on her hips. "You are so dumb. All this place needed was cleaning and fixing and it's got the perfect romantic atmosphere."  
  
Vincent then remembered that he owned the deed to the house. They were trespassing! Carefully masking the joy he felt in his heart, he said, "This house is mine, remember?" Apparently, from the look of their faces, both had forgotten. Cloud promptly dropped the pink and red decorations and said in a not-so-well masked happy voice, "Oh well, I guess our great plan didn't work out after all."  
  
Cloud jumped off the ladder and landed on his feet. "Well Vincent," he said, patting the vampire-like man on the shoulder, "whaddaya say we get a drink?"  
  
Vincent gazed at Cloud's hands with disgust. "Don't touch me."  
  
Cloud wisely stepped back. But Tifa was not happy. If any of you are anime-oriented, you know how a person looks when angry. For those of you who don't: Tifa's hair was practically all in the air and moving by itself, the air around her was a black sucking vortex, her fists were clenched at her sides, her eyes were wide and almond shaped and white.  
  
"CLOUD," she said dangerously, "GET BACK HERE."  
  
Both Vincent and Cloud cringed at the fearsome power of Tifa's rage. Cloud creeped back up the ladder, carrying the pink and red decorations that he had dropped. He meekly began to hang them up again. Tifa's hair returned to normal and she too returned to decorations. Vincent glared at them. He glared at them with all the glaring power in his soul. Tifa, being a woman and having an instinctive sense about these things, turned to face him.  
  
"Do you have a problem, Vinnie?" she asked icily.  
  
"Yes," he responded, just as icily, "I don't like pink."  
  
Tifa hopped down to face him. "I don't care."  
  
Vincent glared at her. "This is my house."  
  
Tifa switched from icy, I'm-gonna-kill-you mode to Oh-my-gosh-you're- so-mean-I'm-gonna-cry-now mode. Her eyes widened and her mouth trembled and she began to tear up. She took a few quick breaths and then . . .  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!" she cried, burying her face in her hands, "Why are you so mean? Why don't you like me? Am I mean to you? Did I do something bad? WAAAAH!"  
  
Vincent tensed and backed away from the bawling Tifa. Cloud too jumped from his ladder and held her in an attempt to comfort his love. He glared daggers at his former teammate.  
  
"Look what you've done!" he chastised. He kissed Tifa's forehead, then turned to verbally attack Vincent. "You have to let us throw the party now! And you must help fix the house too!"  
  
"Oh Cloud, you did all this for me?" Tifa said, gazing into his eyes.  
  
"Yes Tifa . . ."  
  
WHOA! That's a fluff area! We don't do fluff. Fluff is not appreciated unless I am seriously hyper. Fluff is a NO-NO ZONE. NO-NO.  
  
Vincent, needless to say, nearly puked. The scene was disgusting and horrifying and it was so not happening. Vincent didn't remember anything like this with Lucrecia. Nothing at all. Lucrecia seemed to attempt some sort of fluff, but had quickly abandoned it once Vincent had looked at her funny and asked why her eyes were replaced with hearts.  
  
"You're disgusting," Vincent drawled, turning sharply, his cape billowing out behind him. I love that cape, I really do.  
  
"Not so fast Vinnie!"  
  
Vincent's head jerked back as his cape was seized by Tifa and pulled back. Vincent started choking as the red material tightened around his neck. Both Tifa and Cloud looked demonic and they were grinning. GRINNING.  
  
[I told you to kill them, but did you listen? NO.]  
  
'Shut up.'  
  
~ That's right! Killing never got anyone anywhere! ~  
  
[Killing Sephiroth saved the world!]  
  
And now the other monsters in Vinnie's head were pitching in, joining either do-gooder or Chaos. Cloud and Tifa too were saying something, but the noise in Vincent's head blocked it out. And then the oxygen deprivation kicked in and Vinnie's brain clicked off his consciousness and went into Operation: Shutdown. In other words, Vinnie fainted.  
  
***HALF AN HOUR LATER***  
  
"Vincent?! Oh my God, VINCENT!"  
  
Vincent was unhappily shaken out of the sweet bliss of unconsciousness. Literally, so that wasn't very fun. Tifa had grabbed his shoulders, you see, and was shaking him and crying at the same time because she thought that she had killed Vincent. The thought that she should have killed him fluttered around in Vincent's head, for then he would be free of the craziness. But no. God hated him and would do anything to make him miserable.  
  
"I'm . . . alive . . ." Vincent barely managed to get that sentence out. Tifa was shaking him too hard and Vincent thought that he would once again fall into unconsciousness from the rush that the shaking was giving him. Unfortunately, Tifa stopped.  
  
"Oh my gosh, thank God you're alive!"  
  
Grumbled sweet Vincent, "Yes, let's all thank God."  
  
Cloud peered at him. "We thought you were dead."  
  
"Believe me, I wish I were."  
  
[But then I wouldn't have anyplace to live!]  
  
Vincent shook his head. "You can't have a party here. It's not . . ." Vincent trailed off, for lack of a better word. "The place is just . . . too creepy."  
  
Tifa clapped her hands. "Not with the renovations!"  
  
Vincent's eyes widened. "What renovations?"  
  
"Well," Cloud said, rubbing the back of his head, "there's a chandelier."  
  
"And everything's fixed and there's all sorts of classy stuff and beautiful decorations and it's just like an old-fashioned ball!" Tifa squealed.  
  
Vincent tried not to cry. He really did. Crying was not suited to his image. Acid could come out of his tear ducts! But all of this was nothing, for a void opened within him, a void like when he let Lucrecia die. His home was gone. Gone.  
  
Vincent burst into tears. He tried to hide it by letting his hair fall around his face, but his whimpers could be heard by Cloud and Tifa. Cloud, being a guy (contrary to some of your convictions), backed away, frightened by the emotion that the emotionless man showed. Tifa, being Tifa, tried to comfort him.  
  
"I know," she crooned, "it must be memories of Lucrecia that are making you cry."  
  
Vincent stopped crying. He hadn't been thinking of Lucrecia at all! AND IT WAS VALENTINE'S DAY!! VALENTINE'S DAY!  
  
"I . . . I must atone for my sins . . ." Vincent said, as if he were a zombie. He got up stiffly and walked past the couple, heading for the basement. "You guys . . . can have the party . . ."  
  
Cloud and Tifa looked at each other and shrugged. All's well that ends well.  
  
***PARTY TIME!***  
  
Vincent awoke from his atonement sleep to music. Loud music. And laughter. Vincent hated laughter. Laughter was the embodiment of all evil. Vincent had to kill the laughter. Kill the laughter, kill the laughter, kill the laughter . . .  
  
~ Vincent! That's not very nice! ~  
  
Vincent ignored the voice and went up the stairs only to be greeted by . . .  
  
"Hey Vinnie," Yuffie slurred. "I wanna kiss. Kissa me." She puckered up her lips and held them dangerously close to Vincent's. Vincent was unsure of whether he should shoot Yuffie or just push her away. He ended up pushing her away; the child was only 18 after all. Yuffie stumbled back and slid down to the floor, obviously in a drunken stupor. Who would be stupid enough to give Yuffie alcohol?  
  
Vincent knew.  
  
He strode into the room, eyes ablaze, ready to shout. But that was spoiled when seven year-old Marlene pounced on him and kissed his cheek.  
  
"Happy Valentine's Day, Mister Valentine!" she hollered. "Now you have to marry me!" The little girl giggled as Vincent gazed at her in horror. Marriage?! NEVER!  
  
Vincent displaced the little girl and scrambled to his feet. He bumped into Barret.  
  
"Oh thank goodness," he sighed, "Marlene is acting strange. She says she wants to marry me!" Vincent laughed nervously. "Isn't that strange?"  
  
Barret wasn't laughing. He was glaring. "If you wanna marry my daughter, there's rules we gotta put down for you, foo'!"  
  
Vincent is pale. Vincent has been unnaturally pale since Hojo, that sick bastard, experimented on him. But at Barret's words, Vincent paled until it looked like his skin would shrivel up on his face. Why was everyone acting so weird?!  
  
MoMo walked by, her unnaturally untidy hair tied back in an unnaturally tidy ponytail. Turning, she waved at Vincent. "Yo," she said, her new word for greeting.  
  
Vincent thought he would faint again. This was so not happening.  
  
"Hey Vincent!" Cloud called. "I didn't think you'd join the party!"  
  
[See? If they were dead, this wouldn't be happening!] Chaos argued with Do-gooder. And, reluctantly, Do-gooder had to agree.  
  
~ You're right. They're all so damn annoying. ~  
  
'So I should kill them?'  
  
~ Wait a little bit. ~  
  
So Vincent waited and waved to Cloud and Tifa as they headed over. "Great party, isn't it Vincent!" Tifa hollered over the music.  
  
"No it's not! This foo' wants to marry my Marlene!"  
  
"What?! I didn't know you had an interest in younger women Vincent!" Cloud nudged. Vincent shuddered.  
  
"You're all insane."  
  
"Damn straight!" Cid shouted, at the head of a conga line. "Crazy in love!"  
  
Vincent tested his pulse. He must have died and gone to hell, because Cid never said anything about love. Love was alien to Cid. Vincent was sure this was Hell.  
  
"It's not Hell, Vinnie," MoMo said, patting his shoulder. "It's just a twisted rendition of your new life after Meteor. At least you're not in love with Yuffie!"  
  
"But I love Vinnie!" Yuffie slurred, throwing her arms around his shoulders from behind and kissing his left cheek, causing Vincent to freeze. "He's so hot!"  
  
Godo stomped his way up to them. "If you wanna marry my Yuffie, there're some rules we gotta put down for you Vampire Boy!"  
  
Cait Sith bounced up. "Have you guys seen Jessie and James?" he asked worriedly. (For information on who Jessie and James are, see Vincent's Halloween Party.)  
  
"Nope," Cloud said. "But did you know Vincent wants to marry both Marlene and Yuffie?"  
  
"What? You can't be married to two people!"  
  
"I know!"  
  
Vincent was getting dizzy. All these people were making his mind spin.  
  
"NO!" he shouted.  
  
MoMo dropped the mutilated pink heart. "I'm sorry!"  
  
"You can keep mutilating the pink hearts, MoMo."  
  
"S\/\/33T!" MoMo exclaimed in l33t speech and proceeded to mutilate the pink decorations of evil. For pink is evil and should be destroyed.  
  
"This party is messed up!" Vincent exclaimed.  
  
"You're right!" Tifa gasped.  
  
Vincent stared at her in shock. "You're agreeing with me?"  
  
"Of course! Where's Red?!"  
  
Vincent very nearly face-faulted. Nanaki showed up behind him. "I must agree with Vincent," he said in a deep voice. "This party is wrong. We are misbehaving toward the host of the party."  
  
Tifa gasped. "But I'm the hostess!"  
  
"But it's Vincent's house," Nanaki argued.  
  
'So I should kill everyone but Nanaki.'  
  
~ And MoMo. She's mutilating the pink hearts. ~  
  
[But you should still hurt MoMo.]  
  
Vincent took a deep breath and sighed. "If you all want to live," he said softly, "you should get out while you still can."  
  
Jessie and James showed up, their clothes and hair rumpled. "What's going on?" Jessie asked.  
  
"If you're threatening Mr. Reeve, I'm afraid we're going to have to take you out," James said stoically.  
  
Vincent laughed. "Right. You are going to hurt me. Su-ure."  
  
Jessie and James proceeded to attack Vincent, who blasted them away with a shot of his gun and his claw. They fell back against a wall, unconscious. Marlene began to cry and both Elmyra and Shera (who had until now been ignored) ran to comfort her.  
  
All of them got into their attack positions but Cid and Yuffie, one being drunk on alcohol and the other being struck by Cupid arrow and being too dead to love to actually fall in love and was therefore drunk on love. Makes no sense to you, but that's what's happening to Cid.  
  
"If you're going to go crazy on us," Cloud said, "we'll just have to take you down."  
  
"NO WAY!" MoMo shouted, jumping to Vincent's side. She was carrying a rather large bowling ball. "NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" She then proceeded to hurl the bowling ball at the floor, causing it to crash straight through the wooden floorboards and caused a Mako green glow to appear.  
  
"The Lifestream!" they all shouted.  
  
"THAT'S RIGHT!" MoMo cackled. "SEPHIROTH-SAMA'S GONNA KILL YOU ALL TO DEATH!"  
  
They all paused at her sentence structure but then had to jump back as Sephiroth burst to the surface, Aeris hanging on to his neck in a futile attempt to stop him.  
  
"You can't do this Sephiroth!" she cried. "They're my friends!"  
  
Sephiroth growled. "Like I give a damn."  
  
Vincent shook his head. "This isn't how it's going to be solved," he whispered. He concentrated, focusing on his center and drawing out all his rage, pain, and frustration. Then he unleashed it in a form that we are all familiar with.  
  
Chaos Vinnie was not happy and clearly showed this by ripping down the chandelier and the decorations and hurling them at Tifa's head. Tifa managed to get out of the way, but her leg was slashed. She started crying but Aeris healed her with her magic healing powers. Sephiroth was still trying to fling Aeris off of him.  
  
"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" was the mantra that Chaos chanted as he proceeded to destroy all of Tifa and Cloud's hard work. Some fled, others tried to fight, MoMo tried to pry Aeris off of Sephiroth, screaming that he was hers, and only one actually did anything to stop him.  
  
"OK, we'll leave," Cait Sith said calmly, both Jessie and James thrown over his shoulders. "The party sucked anyway."  
  
Slowly the people began to trickle away and Vincent slowly regained control over himself and returned to normal. As normal as one can be when one is the result of a psychopath's experiment. Sephiroth, however, was rather disappointed.  
  
"What? Nobody left? Who am I going to kill?"  
  
Disgusted by the turn of events, he returned to the Lifestream, followed by Aeris. MoMo decided that she should get out while she still could and flew off. Vincent was left alone, or so he thought . . .  
  
"Hey Vincent . . ."  
  
Vincent turned around abruptly, his gun aimed at the speaker. Tifa looked rather sheepish. "I'm sorry we used your mansion. It won't happen again, I promise!"  
  
"It better not," Vincent growled, doing his little victory dance. Tifa bowed in apology and ran off. Vincent turned to face the mansion. It was once again decrepit and messed up. And all was right in the world. Exhausted by the effort he had made to be rid of his "friends", Vincent barely managed to get down to his coffin. Next time something like this happened, it would just be Chaos.  
  
[That's right!] Chaos cried joyfully. [Death solves everything!]  
  
Vincent closed his eyes and fell into atonement sleep. And all was truly good.  
  
*******THE END*******  
  
A/N: Yeah, well, that's it. This will, of course, happen again. FOR I MUST TORTURE VINCENT! **Cackles crazily and runs off to eat her lollipop** Oh and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! 


End file.
